Marko Arnautovic is apparently ready to leave West Ham, with Manchester United emerging as favourites to sign him.
Arnautovic reportedly yearns to test himself on a grand stage. “He’s a big part of West Ham’s team but I think it’s possible to tease out more of him,” said his agent and brother Danijel Arnautovic. “For that to happen, he has to play for a top team. Marko is ready for the next step.”
“A player like him should not play against relegation. He should play for the international [i.e. Champions League] spots.”
That’s a fairly big claim to make about a guy who has never scored more than 14 goals in a single season and no that’s not a made-up stat it is in fact 100% real. A 29-year-old who is allegedly ready to sign for a top team in the Premier League has never managed to top the 14 goals he scored for FC Twente as a teenager.
Let’s get right into it, shall we? Marko Arnautovic to Manchester United? This is a terrible idea. A hideous idea. Hell, the idea of this transfer is so god damn ugly the soul of Donald Trump would consider it a good friend.
This is the sort of suggestion that should send Manchester United fans into a mindless frenzy the likes of which you could only replicate if you praised the Glazer family whilst wearing a half-and-half Liverpool and Manchester City shirt and a Leeds United scarf.
There is literally nothing about the move which should merit serious discussion on any level, yet there will surely be some for two very depressing reasons. The first is that Arnautovic is clearly available (thanks, Danijel!) and will definitely be relatively cheap.
Marko Arnautović is the first West Ham player to score 11 Premier League goals in a single season since Bobby Zamora in 2006/07.
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) May 30, 2018
José Mourinho clearly doesn’t like using Marcus Rashford as a striker, can’t use Romelu Lukaku in every single game, and has a bizarre love-hate relationship with Alexis Sánchez who every now and again looks to be on the cusp of returning to brilliance only to then have his very presence on the field turn into a figurative embodiment of a sad trombone.
So due to Mourinho’s idiosyncrasies and mistrust of youth (we all know Louis van Gaal would have called up Mason Greenwood by now, right? The Dutchman had flaws, but he trusted the kids) there’s definitely an argument to be made that, yes, Manchester United FC do need to sign some kind of striker or forward in the transfer window. Obviously they clearly don’t, but if you were an accountant looking at things you could see the need present itself and let’s be honest it’s the accountants who are running things at Old Trafford now anyway.
Speaking of accountants, they will like that Arnautovic should be relatively cheap. With big money needed to be allocated elsewhere (centre-back, sure, but also right-back? Right-wing maybe?) the fact that Arnautovic wouldn’t hurt their bank balance too much appeals.
But what is the second reason United might want Arnautovic? Well, let’s ask the man himself: “I’m 29, so that’s the best age,” said Arnautovic to Austrian newspaper Kurier. Innocuous? Well, look at who José Mourinho wanted to sign this summer: Toby Alderweireld and Willian. Both 29.
How old was Nemanja Matic when Mourinho signed him for Manchester United?
29.
(Well technically he was 28, but he turned 29 the day after signing for United)
Mourinho clearly agrees with Arnautovic that 29 is the best age. And if you’re Mourinho, thinking about getting through the next season and only the next season, sure, a 29 year old makes a tonne of sense. However if you’re Manchester United FC, you’ve got to take a bit of a longer-term view of things or else you’re gonna end up with a squad of 30+ players very quickly.
One could argue that Mourinho has worked with Arnautovic before, and that’s only true if “work” is understood to mean “technically been coach of” because after pestering Inter to get him Arnautovic, Mourinho then didn’t bother playing him even a handful of times. Arnautovic played three games for Mourinho who said that he had the mind of a child (a 21 year-old being immature? Stop the presses!)
So there’s no real relationship there, nothing concrete anyway. Yes he’s the right age for Mourinho and there is the most tenuous of needs for a striker but that doesn’t mean United should sign Arnautovic any more than 2+2 does not equal 5.
Because, above all else, Arnautovic simply isn’t good enough. There’s a reason he spent four seasons at Stoke. There’s a reason that only West Ham were willing to sign him from Stoke. There’s a reason that in a decade of playing top tier football he has still never scored as many goals as he managed in 2008/09, which was a measly 14.
Arnautovic’s season-best since then is 12. Twelve! Rashford got more than that last season and he was playing left-wing for most of it! This move is utterly absurd. Arnautovic is an absolute maverick and a club like West Ham is exactly what he needs. An upper mid-table (in stature if not reality) side who will make him their focal point and folk hero. A place where he can be the star and everything can flow through him.
Stick him in a big side like Manchester United at the age of 29 and whilst you may get a short five game burst of form out of him all you’ll wind up having to deal with is a mopey 30 year-old complaining that he deserves to start more even though he’s as steady and reliable as a blindfolded person trying to walk across a tightrope during a hurricane whilst carrying a frightened cat.
This transfer is bad and should feel bad. Both Manchester and West Ham should be united in hoping that this deal doesn’t happen. The Austian could really help West Ham whilst he would just be a fly in the ointment for Manchester United. Simply put, the Red Devils should stay the hell away from Marko Arnautovic.
The post Why Marko Arnautovic joining Manchester United is a terrible idea appeared first on Squawka News.
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