From Brent to ‘Bring your dinner’: Eight unforgettable team-talks that were (thankfully) caught on camera

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Brendan Rodgers has been confirmed as the new Leicester manager, bringing his cringing goodness back to the Premier League.

Rodgers is the kind of man who has a portrait of himself hanging in his house, which in the modern day is exactly the kind of supreme nonsense we all want from our football managers. Because when they’re just boring professionals who coach their team and don’t do absurd things like give powerpoint presentations about their approach to scouting opponents to a room full of journalists, football’s less fun.

But, of course, not everyone is Marcelo Bielsa. Most coaches reserve their madcap antics for their own players in that most sacred of footballing rituals, the team-talk. In our heads, we like to think managers are in there like Henry at Agincourt or Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday, but the reality is often closer to Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder.

We’ve come up with eight memorable team-talks. They range from the inspirational to the revealing, and to the utterly obscene.

1. Brendan Rodgers

The Northern Irish coach made his name with Swansea, but his personality really began to shine when he was Liverpool coach. It was there, thanks to the documentary Being Liverpool, that people realised how loopy he was.

This is a great clip, where he wants to discipline Raheem Sterling for answering back. At first, he handles it all well, speaking generally and calmly. But then the inner Brent just can’t help but escape as he literally points at a 17-year-old and speaks like a child on the playground. “You know what you said. You said ‘steady,'” with the kind of weirdly misplaced menace that was probably intended to be intimidating but just came off as the weird. Sterling’s face at the end is absolutely priceless.

Cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme music.

2. Pep Guardiola

The greatest manager in the world has had some of his stranger mannerisms (such as his love of the word “guys”) exposed thanks to Manchester City’s documentary All or Nothing. Also revealed was this amusing half-time team-talk from the FA Cup.

Pep comes in bellowing like an angry dad “NO ONE TALK!” and then just turns into a weird new age type blabbering on about “bad faces” and then starts being absurdly self-critical as well. It’s a real menagerie of madness, and it didn’t help as City ended up losing.

3. José Mourinho

Sometimes managers tell you exactly who they are in their team-talks. Here is a clip from Jose Mourinho’s first spell in charge of Chelsea, in which the self-styled Special One reveals the one concept at the core of his coaching philosophy and the one thing that has, in recent years, held him back.

He doesn’t want to put pressure on his team to win, but he insists they cannot lose?? That sounds awfully familiar, right? And sure, back then this approach could reap dividends, but in the last few years it has represented a real problem for the Portuguese. He just can’t evolve.

4. Zinedine Zidane

Real Madrid’s miracle man, Zizou was never a great tactician but he always knew just what to say to get the right reactions from his players. This clip, from half-time at the 2017 Uefa Champions League final, illustrates that perfectly.

Zidane isn’t impassioned, he’s not inspiring, he keeps it simple. Be aggressive, work hard, and get the ball wide. It’s the most basic football, but his instructions served to declutter the minds of his players and they ended up blowing Juventus away in the second half, winning 1-4.

5. Paul Pogba

This team-talk doesn’t come from a manager, but a player. Before the 2018 World Cup final, Paul Pogba gathered the entire French team in the middle of the locker room and spoke to them.

If any speech comes close to Pacino, it’s this. Pogba talks with real inspiration, using expressive language and great command. He implores his teammates to think of their legacies, their families, and he does it all without once raising his voice. It’s a masterful display and it’s no wonder that France came back with the trophy.

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6. Bob Bradley

From the inspirational to the just, well, weird. Bob Bradley gave this team-talk to LAFC and it was just… it was really weird. There’s no other word to describe Bradley’s demeanour. WARNING: this video contains some foul language.

One can see what Bradley was trying to do, trying to inspire his player to be as good as Messi. But… why Messi? Bradley doesn’t know Messi, he hasn’t coached Messi, so what right does he have telling Vela he’s not as good as Messi? One would imagine Vela already knows he isn’t on Messi’s level, so asking that he simply work harder to match Messi? Weird.

7. Neil Warnock

Now we’re getting into the nitty-gritty. Back in the mid-’90s, Neil Warnock was managing Huddersfield Town and when they were losing at Shrewsbury, Warnock produced this masterpiece. WARNING: this video contains foul language.

Literally, everything here is amazing. Warnock begins in a separate room receiving advice, he then takes a moment (shoutout Peter MacNicol in Ally McBeal), removes his sweatshirt and then comes out all guns blazing. Demanding his players “don’t be soft as s**t,” which is pretty inspirational advice, all things considered.

8. John Sitton

Finally, we have the holy grail. John Sitton. This isn’t his first half-time explosion but is certainly his finest. Watching this it’s not hard to understand why he struggled to progress as a coach, but damn, it’s fun. WARNING: this video contains LOADS of foul language.

Where to even begin? He sacks a player at half-time. Half-time! He abuses other players, then unleashes the incredible phrase “Bertie Big B******s,” and threatens to stick the youth teamers into the side, before finally saying any dissenters can basically fight him, three-on-one, and, of course, “bring ya f****n’ dinner!” A masterpiece of foul-mouthed managerial madness!

The post From Brent to ‘Bring your dinner’: Eight unforgettable team-talks that were (thankfully) caught on camera appeared first on Squawka News.



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